A Year Straight - Confessions Of A Boy-Crazy Lesbian Beauty Queen

"A Year Straight" is a wakeup call to women who are frustrated with the miniscule lesbian dating pool - it's never easy. But, if you're looking for someone with whom to spend your weekend or your life, maybe it shouldn't be. Elena's story is a little predictable but very funny. If you enjoy Schadenfreude, you'll enjoy this book.

Elena Azzoni, our author and protagonist, starts her biography defending her gayness. Yes, she dated boys in high school and college but when she met her bass teacher after graduation she left the world of hetero dating behind. When we meet her, she has recently been crowned Miss Lez in a New York bar competition. Her life revolves around women; they are her friends, family and lovers. That is until one fateful day when Dante, the be-muscled and tattooed yoga instructor that has all her classmates in an orgasmic tizzy, leans into Elena during pigeon pose. Elena is driven to the edge of her physical strength and when she returns to a normal breathing pattern, she realizes that her libido will never be the same. She's attracted to men now. This one moment in yoga class leads her on a dating journey the likes of which she's ever experienced.

Dating is terrible. For an event that is supposed to put people on their best behavior and in their best clothes, most dates are clumsy, awkward and painful for the wallet. Poor Elena fails with Dante - he finds a photo from the Miss Lez Competition and stops all communication - and rather than return to dating women, she decides to continue pursuing men. Unfortunately for her, she makes a tragic mistake in her approach: she assumes that dating men will be the same as dating women. Due to social conditioning, culture shock, etc. the differences in opposite sexes on a date are manifold. Even if she were aware that she's playing a game whose rules she doesn't know, she'd have a tough time because dating is hard. Yet, despite her negative experiences, Elena doesn't consider returning to lesbian dating.

Elena is sensitive, sincere and a little too innocent for her own good. She faces sexual insecurity, miscommunication (Lubriderm is not lube), and a lack of communication and suffers second-degree burns. These tales of woe are one-sided - she is the sane one in each dating disaster and we don't get to see the faux pas that send men tearing away- but her drive is admirable. She goes on dates and when it doesn't work out she goes on another and another until she meets the man of her dreams. If only the rest of us could have such a happy ending.

"A Year Straight: Lessons of a Boy-Crazy Lesbian Beauty Queen"
Elena Azzoni
Seal Press
$17.00